The cold light of day (again)

I was rather despondent last night, thinking thoughts along the lines of "I can't do this! I'm a failure! What made me think I could be a teacher?", but I forced myself this morning to re-read my tutor's comments, and actually, they're not that bad. I think when he went over them yesterday afternoon, all I was focusing on was the bad bits, and any good points washed over me. But there are good points, and when I spoke to my colleagues this morning they were very encouraging. That doesn't change the fact that I still got one Unsatisfactory out of four, but it made me feel better!

The teacher of the vile S2s (as opposed to the slightly-less-vile S2s I had yesterday) has resorted to bribery, telling them that they will get a reward period if they manage to get through the week without any punishment exercises. I have my doubts!

As well as taking account of the differing needs of my pupils, I will also have to learn that teachers have different standards. The teacher of my F/G S4s left me alone with them for the first time today and came back at one point to say she could hear them from the other room. I know they weren't exactly silent, but I wasn't really bothered, and it's difficult to know what is acceptable, as the other - G/C - S4 class I am with is far noisier, and their teacher doesn't seem to mind! I suppose it's all about fitting in with the class teacher this year, and maybe waiting until next year to decide on my own rules and boundaries.

I can't believe this is the second-last week of this placement. It's gone really quickly, but at the same time it does seem a while since I was at Jordanhill, and when we go back I will no longer be able to ignore my looming assignment / English unit task / APD research project / portfolio completion / nervous breakdown...

Note to self...

...just because I was reading three books a week and doing the Herald crossword when I was 13, doesn't mean that everyone in second year has the same level of nerdishness (is that a word?). My crit was not entirely successful, as - once again - I misjudged what the class was capable of, and pitched the lesson at a level that was too high for them. I kind of thought that they would all know what an adjective / metaphor / adverb was, but apparently not, oh dear! I did show my plan to the class teacher this morning, and she thought it was fine, but I'm now thinking perhaps she was just saying that as she didn't want to throw me into a panic.

My tutor says that all I need to do is learn to pitch at the right level...you would think that would be easy, but I don't seem to be very good at it. I am now rather worried as I just have the one crit left, and the pressure is on!

On top of that, my S3 class decided to rebel and told me they didn't want to do Julius Caesar any more, and informed me they were on strike.

So all in all, today sucked!

Losing my mind

Trying to come up with some ideas just now for my crit lesson on Monday (yes, forward planning is not my strength), I found myself typing the following:

" If I were to do this, I could perhaps find a really boring episode – oh, or I could take the one I'm using and rewrite it, making it really boring? Then contrast it with the proper version and get them to say what is interesting about it, and then give them a worksheet or get them to write headings and find bits? I think I will go with this, as it would have different tasks and it would get them writing (although that in itself might be a struggle for some of them) and I could maybe even get the projector into use? Maybe not. Oh dear, stream-of-consciousness rambling again!"

I seem to have become incapable of forming coherent thoughts in my head without typing them first. Considering I am doing a job requiring a great deal of thinking on your feet, this is a bit of a worry!

I should have had this planned days ago so that I could run it past the class teacher, as I realised this morning I have no idea how far they have even got in the book. All my time has been taken up with planning other lessons, and suddenly it was the weekend and I hadn't spoken to her. I only see this class twice a week, so it's all been a bit disjointed.

It was a mixed week, the low points of which were definitely teaching the S2 class that I had problems with last week. The teacher had a stack of punishment exercises ready for me yesterday, with the names already filled in, so that didn't inspire me with confidence. Sure enough, I had given out three of them in the first ten minutes, and during the lesson I faced outright insolence for the first time when a pupil refused to give me her mobile phone despite repeated requests. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do in a situation like that, but it doesn't help when I have another pupil saying "You can't make her, you're not a real teacher" at the same time. There are actually some hard-working kids in that class, and I feel sorry for them. At least in this school, they will get away from the - for want of a more politically-correct word - nutters, next year; in my last school, all classes were mixed ability to S4, and although I applaud the intentions behind that system, I can't see that it does anything for the higher-ability pupils. It's a debate we've visited a few times at Jordanhill, and my opinion changes regularly.

But this isn't getting the lesson plan done, so I had better get back to it. It's quite stressful!

Quotes of the day

S4 boy: "How did you no just say that in the first place? Gonnae stop using all they big words!"
S3 girl: "See the Romans? Were they before or after the Victorians?"

There must be many more - I seem to spend a lot of time trying to put on a straight / stern face while chuckling inside. If nothing else, this teaching lark provides entertainment!

Am I a teacher or a bouncer?!

For the first time, I taught all four of my classes today. I did my first lesson with my Credit/General S4 class – on An Inspector Calls – and it went really well. However, I had little time to feel pleased with myself, because my next class can best be described as an unmitigated disaster. I was taking one of my S2 classes for the first time and was introducing the topic of imaginative writing. I had planned an exciting lesson based on the 'sherbet lemon' game (stolen, like so many of my so-called ideas, off www.teachit.co.uk), but they were absolutely uncontrollable; not only did I have to move someone, send someone else out, confiscate two mobiles and write a string of names on the board, I also issued my first two punnies. On top of that, the sherbet lemon idea wasn't the best as as it turns out one boy is diabetic and one girl wouldn't taste it as she said it made her feel sick. Oh dear....

I am beginning to wonder how I can ever get any teaching done with a class like that, when so much of the lesson is taken up with crowd control? It's a bit of a worry, so I have already decided to start my next lesson with them by delivering a stern lecture (stern? Me? That'll be a first) on the behaviour I want from them. I've seen other teachers do this after a particularly riotous lesson, and it seems to work (for a while anyway).

I've just had an email from one of the teaching unions inviting me to a free behaviour management seminar, and have put my name down. I wonder if I should have taken this option for my APD instead of Media (not that that was my first, second or even third choice, as I never tire of moaning about) as it would have been rather more useful. And talking of Media, I am struggling to come up with an idea for my research project, but if I can get Shakespeare in there somewhere, I will!

Faffing

Quarter past one and I'm still in my jammies, despite having been up since before eight. I had planned to do lots these two days, but I am suffering from a lack of focus and have done wee bits of this, wee bits of that, and big bits of faffing. I have made a start on Assignment Two (well, I have typed some headings...that counts as a start, I feel) and also done some research for the catchment area task of my Portfolio. I've thought about future lessons, which mostly involved searching for stuff I can steal, er, adapt on the internet. What would I do without it?!

We have an in-service day tomorrow, and I'm not sure exactly what is planned. The English department is looking at marking in the afternoon, but if it's anything like my old school I won't be trusted to go anywhere near it, so I don't know if I'll be invited. But as long as I am invited to the free buffet lunch, I'll be happy!

The cold light of day

...has led me to edit my last two posts. As far as I am aware, this blog has only four readers (you know who you are), but I don't want to offend anyone (or get myself into trouble, more like) so have moderated my comments. It's highly unlikely that anyone who knows me would come across it by chance, but you never know!

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now

(not really)

It went fine, hurrah! Time got the better of me, and the most fun task I had planned (a 'cloze' task using Sonnet 57...OK, maybe not everyone's idea of fun) had to be cut short, but I can finish that tomorrow. I think they 'got' the iambic pentameter concept, which was the main thing, and some of them were so enthusiastic I wondered if they thought my tutor was there to assess them, and not me!

I still only managed Satisfactories rather than Merits, but at least there were four of them this time. I would eventually like to be a really good teacher, but at the moment, being 'good enough' is good enough for me!

It was an absolutely tortuous day though, as I had the whole day to get through before my crit in period 6, and I can honestly say I have rarely been so nervous in my life. For the first time this placement, I don't actually have to spend the evening planning, as I'm only teaching one lesson tomorrow (poetry with S1) and I have already planned it. So a night in front of the telly is in order, I think.

Shakespeare's rubbish...

...or so my PT would have it.

An innocent comment to him was met with an interrogation on what I was doing, what on earth was the point of teaching iambic pentameter, and a 15 minute lecture on why Shakespeare's not relevant. Not sure exactly what he wanted me to do at this stage - perhaps say "Yes, you're absolutely right, I'll stop teaching Julius Caesar forthwith, tear up this carefully constructed plan and do a lesson on Holy Willie's Prayer instead". I was rather taken aback - I didn't expect ever to have to justify the teaching of Shakespeare to an English Principal Teacher of all people - but stood my ground and am going ahead regardless.

I am comforting myself with the thought that it's not so much my lesson plan that he objects to (although that too), but the whole concept of teaching Shakespeare when there is so much Scottish literature to choose from. Now, I like Burns as much as the next woman, but I happen to like Shakey more, and in fact he is one of the reasons I want to be an English teacher. I now have even more reason to hope that my crit goes well, as the last thing I want is my PT saying "I told you so".

Grrrrr!!!!!

Oh, it's all so stressful...

If I am to become a teacher, I will need to learn that spending 15 hours (at least) planning one 50-minute lesson is not really the most effective use of my time. I spent all weekend - sleeping hours included, as I dreamed about the blasted thing - thinking about Julius Caesar, and I have yet to come up with a coherent lesson plan for my crit on Wednesday. I am planning on doing something on iambic pentameter, but I'm not sure that I even understand it properly myself (I thought I did, but the more research I do, the less clear it is)!

As if that weren't enough, I have to plan for all my other classes too (oh, poor me...welcome to teaching!). Sometimes I find myself looking back with nostalgia on my days with the bank, when I could leave work at 5 and not give it another thought until 9 o'clock the following day. But then, I never thought it would be easy, and on the plus side, once I have planned my dazzling iambic pentameter lesson, I can use it again in the future (if I get that far).

Ah well, back to JC!

Friday

Well, I survived my first week intact and am still smiling.

I ended up taking five lessons this week, and although I was a bit nervous before them all, I got back into the way of it and they all went OK. I have my first crit on Wednesday and am trying to think of some dazzling ideas, but my downfall the last time was being a bit too ambitious, so maybe I'll keep it low key. I feel a bit better about my two crits since one of the other tutors - rather less discreet than my own - posted a list of all his visits on the course intranet, and I see many of his students are getting two. Also posted on the intranet today was a list of all the students on the course, with the ones who hadn't yet registered with the GTCS highlighted. I am not sure I am entirely happy about having my date of birth broadcast to all 750 of my fellow students, but on the plus side I see there are 29 English students even older than me (yes, I counted...).

I'm off out tonight to see The Peatbog Faeries at Celtic Connections. I thought I'd have to give it a miss this year, with the no money and everything, but my friend had a ticket going spare, and I have also won tickets for The Unusual Suspects tomorrow, hurrah!